Yule Ramblings #19: The Kadrie One

I can't help but think, could our Christmas have been this way? Oh, Kadrie, you would likely be a little bit taller than your cousin, Pennji. He'd be comfy, sitting on the couch, deeply engrossed in a handheld video game. You'd plop down beside him. He'd pretend not to notice you, so you'd slide a few inches closer to him. He'd glare at you, and turn his body to block his screen from your vantage point. You'd inch a bit closer and peer over his shoulder. He wouldn't grace you with eye contact, but he'd jump a half-foot away from you. You'd do the same and lean into his side. He'd let out a "HMMMPH!" and move to the floor. You'd jut over top of his head and say, "Easy level! I beat it already. Need help, Pennj?"

Penn would then walk into the guest room and close the door. You'd hop over to Karmi and give her a smooch in the middle of her furry forehead. I'd say, "Come sit with me, Kad. Want some M&M's?" You'd respond, "Huh uh! Yuck!" "Just like your mom," I'd smile, and pop a few in my mouth. Kelsie doesn't like chocolate either. Your hair would be styled to perfection with loads of bows, bobbles and braids. You mom would watch YouTube hair tutorials, and then you'd arrive at holiday dinner with an updo to rival a bride on her wedding day.

But your fingers... HA! Those would be a different story. Your tiny digits would be painted various varnish shades of pinks and reds, the polish seemingly slapped on with a trowel. However, you would proudly dangle them in front of me, for you would have painted them all by yourself. You'd wear multi-colored tutus for fun. I'm not sure that you would have the restraint and patience needed for ballet at your age :) But you'd love gymnastics... and you'd pull the cushions off of G-mama's couch to practice your dismounts. Penn would return to the living room and join you. But he'd claim you were playing Ninjas :)

Colby and I would surprise you with a few Christmas gifts, probably one of those Chubby Puppies play sets, cause you'd have a strong affinity for our four-legged friends, of course, pet loving being a family passion. Penn would choose an LOL Surprise for you, because he would secretly wonder what is inside. Colby would insist on presenting you with some Toms - hopefully there'd be a pair with pink unicorns. He'd buy them two sizes bigger so you could grow into them.

And me? Well, I'd get you a boring gift. Cause that's what I do.

I'd buy you a book, "Good Night Stories For Rebel Girls." And I'd make you sit beside me. (Penn would probably join us, never wanting to miss out on a good story.) And we'd read about real-life superwomen: Coco Chanel, J.K. Rowling, the Williams Sisters, Zaha Hadid (although, full disclosure, Zaha's portrayal would be self-serving and more for my interest than yours, I bet :) ), etc.

I'd tell you the honest truth - that the Disney Princesses couldn't hold a candle to the likes of these ladies.

And then I'd ad lib. I'd tell you more stories about other powerful women: Your mom, Your grandma, Your great-grandma, Your two Laramie aunties. I'd even draw pictures of them for you on computer paper if you asked me to.

Your mom, in full Kelsie fashion, would be in the recliner, rocking back and forth, while chatting away with your G-mama. Papa Neal would be showing Ethan the ins-and-outs of the demolition phase of the bathroom remodel. Sierra and Bailey would be catching up with Grandma Jean about the all the happenings in beautiful Gem City of the Plains. Your Uncle Colby would be driving poor, adorable little Lillian absolutely crazy with his Stretch Armstrong comical dance moves.

I'd bring your attention back to our "Rebel Girls." I'd tell you that you could end up in a book like this someday. All of us have a tremendous gift to give to this world. All you have to do is identify your gift, and give it... freely, openly, perpetually and lovingly... and you will be a powerful woman too. Then Colby would coerce you and Penn to have a dance contest. Lillian would be more interested in participating now since her big cousin Kadrie joined the party. Kelsie would record everything on her phone and post it on SnapChat... laughing loudly all the while.

This is how I imagine it could have been.

And I know that it is my job to channel this sort of celebration... this sort of experience, as much as I can, because I owe it to you and your mama to still celebrate these small things. Kadrie, we will forever remember you.

And even though we never had the pleasure of meeting you, we know that we know you. You will always be a part of our family.

We see you everywhere. We think of you all the time. On our tree, we have a pair of handmade button Christmas trees, crafted by Bobbi and Paula, that remind us of Mama Kelsie and you, Baby Kadrie. The number two has been known to represent gestation and the divine feminine. The evergreen tree symbolizes immortality and invincibility. Also, I write of these ornaments today, on this special date, because your due date was the 19th of September in 2013.

Kelsie's button tree is the larger of the two trees, seen in the middle of this picture. Its colors: purple and white, remind me of power and peace, respectively. 17 individual buttons represents the number 8 in numerology. The number of strength, energy, infinity. Kadrie, your tree is the tinier of the two. Green and red suggest hope and life-force. Nine individual units represent the number of attainment and inward reflection, the limited and the limitless, the combining of spiritual and material. (The nine-leveled pagoda symbolizes the ascent to heaven.)

For each year that Penn stands on his tippy toes and reaches just a bit higher to place your red and green button ornament on the tree, always beside your mama's, of course... well, in that bittersweet moment, we remember you.

Kadrie, we will forever remember you.

And even though we never had the pleasure of meeting you, we know that we know you. You will always be a part of our family.